I’m graduating in just over 100 days. I am FREAKING. OUT.
Actually, “FREAKING. OUT.” doesn’t even explain the myriad of emotions that I am feeling. About graduation. About moving out of my house in East Lansing. About potentially having to live back at home with my parents. About not knowing what I am doing with my future. About turning 22. [Trivial, maybe, but still it’s another year older.] About practically everything school and future and life related. At any point in time if someone comes up and asks me how I am, one of the words I immediately go to is “arghuuuhhh.” Yeah. Figure that one out.
There are few things that can keep me sane. Wanna know what one of them isn’t? Most of my friends [even though I love all of them dearly]. Yeah, you. Probably. Because I am graduating and there is a chance you are also and we are probably freaking out together. And if you aren’t graduating that means I am probably leaving you and chances are I don’t want to do that either! You know what else isn’t helping? Season Two of The O.C. [Actually, now I’m onto Season Three. NOT. MUCH. BETTER.] Why does that show freak me out? No reason. No good reason, at least. But it reminds me of things I want that I don’t have, and it reminds me of people I want to work with that I’m not working with.
Things I want that I don’t have- Adam Brody
People I want to work with- Adam Brody. But more realistically Josh Shwartz. But really. Adam Brody.
I often feel the need to apologize for how pathetic some of my dreams are. Like, my dream of marrying Adam Brody. I apologize.
I am crazy. And the countdown I have leading up to graduation and real life is NOT. HELPING.
However, I have learned some things this past year that can kind of help me take this graduation thing with a bit of a kick in my step. I now have goals that go deeper than “meet famous people” and “be best friends with Chelsea Handler.” While those are two of my goals still, I have other work-related and future-related dreams I hope to accomplish. I have actually learned INTERESTING things in classes, which I find rare. I think I have finally found something in my major that pertains to what I want to do without making me sound incredibly vain and shallow.
And what I’ve found most interesting as of late is new media and media marketing. And keeping old media alive. Because watching a television show ON the television is now considered old media. I think there is some sort of beauty in watching a television show ON the television. And well, it may be selfish, but I need television. How else am I going to expand my emotional journey through life? I can’t do that on my own, I need Meredith Grey guiding me. And how to fall in love, I couldn’t do that with Elliot from Scrubs, or Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother. What if I fall in love with someone of the undead variety–Buffy the Vampire Slayer will show me the way.
[COMPLETE TANGENT..kind of…: I realize how fake television shows are. Especially that last little quip about falling in love with a vampire. I hate vampires. Twilight has ruined vampires. But none the less, the love story in Buffy is one of the greatest and most heartbreaking I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot. Practically all I ever do is see. And watch. So trust me when I say this, Buffy knows how to kick ass and kick my heart into my chest so deep I’m not sure it will ever come back.
That was a Buffy tangent. The original tangent started off by me telling you that I realize that television romances are fake. And that Meredith Grey can’t really guide me through life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want her to. And I realize that Seth Cohen is not a real person, he was a character written by Josh Schwartz [love] portrayed by Adam Brody [love +], but that doesn’t mean that I can’t find certain characteristics of his attractive in real people. It shouldn’t be IMPOSSIBLE to find a scrawny indie Jewish kid with a good taste in music, movies, books, and an ever expanding knowledge of pop culture. Is that too much to ask for? I hope not. [It is, I’m crazy. I’m aware. Again. Apologies.]
Oh. Eff. I have no idea where this tangent started. Or where I am going to end it. I think it started with me saying I know that there is a difference between real life and the characters in my favorite shows. I think it is going to end with me saying that I would rather not realize this difference and take characteristics from my favorite TV characters and have them show up in real life. Even more apologies for the crazy.] /End Tangent. I think.
Again. I apologize for my patheticness and craziness. And I digress.
Television is changing. And while I can accept that, I would like to work with it and change with it. I guess I can give up my commercial breaks but not for some crappy product placement advertising. It needs to be well thought out and something that fits in with the characterization and the plot of the show. Or like how they do it on 30 Rock, and they just mock product placement. That is also acceptable.
BUT ANYWAY. I feel I have digressed. I’m not sure. I have not blogged in a while and have lost all blogging etiquette it seems and I do not want to scroll up to see my original point. If I even had one. Apologies.
I guess the main take aways and the reason I started this post are the following:
1) I AM GRADUATING SOON. THE EFF?
2) I have more concrete goals than “meet famous people” and I find that comforting
3) I can FINALLY kind of give half of an explanation when people ask me what my plans after graduation are
4) I’m completely aware that I’m crazy. Now you are, too.
5) Adam Brody is the perfect man. Or Seth Cohen. They are interchangeable to me. [reread number 4, please]
6) I’m not the greatest at real life because I take life lessons and life advice from television shows. Once more, apologies.
That seems to sum it all up. over 1100 words all for those 6 points. Who knows who read this. I won’t read this. That’s a lie. I’m narcissistic and will TOTALLY read this. Not only today, but sometime in the future when I go through all my old blog posts, I’ll read this to see how much or how little I’ve grown. Normally how little. But one can hope.
I don’t know how to appropriately sign off of this rambling I’m doing.
Enjoy the day, I probably love you.